Teacher vs. Parent
The Day I Was Accused of Being Too Harsh
Classrooms thrive on balance—structure and creativity, rules and flexibility, discipline and encouragement.
But every teacher knows that maintaining this balance is easier said than done. One day, you might hear a parent praising you for your firm boundaries; the next, another parent accuses you of being too strict. I faced this dilemma head-on when Mr. Olumide, the father of one of my students, confronted me about my teaching style.
Ayo was one of my brightest students—a natural leader who excelled academically and was well-liked by his peers. But he also had a mischievous streak. He loved to test limits, whether it was talking during lessons, doodling on his desk instead of taking notes, or trying to make his classmates laugh at inappropriate times.
One day, after Ayo disrupted class for the third time that week, I decided to have him stay back during lunch to discuss his behavior. I didn’t raise my voice or scold him harshly; instead, I calmly explained how his actions were affecting the learning environment. I gave him specific examples and made it clear that I expected better. “You’re a leader, Ayo,” I told him. “Your classmates look up to you. What example do you want to set for them?”
Ayo nodded, his head slightly bowed and promised to do better. I thought the conversation had gone well firm but fair.
But two days later, I received a message from Mr. Olumide asking for a meeting. The tone of the email was polite but direct:
“I’m concerned about how you’re handling my son. Can we talk?”
We met in my classroom after school. As Mr. Olumide walked in, he gave me a warm handshake, but his expression was serious. After a few pleasantries, he got straight to the point.
“Ms. Adebayo, I’ve noticed a change in Ayo recently. He says he feels like you’re too strict with him, and it’s making him not want to come to school.”
I was stunned. Ayo hadn’t shown any signs of resentment or discomfort during our conversation. I had assumed that our talk had resolved the issue.
“I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, Mr. Olumide,” I said, keeping my tone calm. “Can you tell me more about what Ayo shared with you?”
He sighed, folding his arms across his chest.
“He says you’re always picking on him, always holding him back after class or calling him out in front of his friends. He feels like you’re too hard on him.”
I paused, choosing my words carefully.
“Thank you for sharing that. I want to assure you that I have no intention of singling Ayo out or making him feel uncomfortable. He’s an incredible student with so much potential, and I want to help him succeed.”
“But why so much discipline?” he asked. “He’s just a child. He should be allowed to make mistakes.”
His words made me pause. He wasn’t wrong kids should be allowed to make mistakes. But as a teacher, I also had a responsibility to maintain order and help my students learn accountability. I knew I needed to find a way to balance Ayo’s growth with his father’s concerns.
“Mr. Olumide,” I began, “you’re absolutely right that children need the space to make mistakes. But they also need guidance to understand the impact of their actions. When I’ve spoken to Ayo after class, it’s not to punish him—it’s to help him reflect and grow.”
He still looked unconvinced, so I decided to shift the focus.
“Let’s work together on this,” I suggested. “I’d love to hear your perspective on what motivates Ayo. How can we support him in a way that feels encouraging but still holds him accountable?”
That seemed to resonate with him. He leaned forward, his posture softening.
“Ayo responds well to praise,” he said. “When we point out what he’s doing right, he tries harder to keep it up.”
“Thank you for sharing that,” I replied. “I’ll make sure to incorporate more positive reinforcement in the classroom. And if you’re comfortable, we could create a system where I share his progress with you weekly, so we’re all on the same page.”
Over the next few weeks, I made small but meaningful changes to my interactions with Ayo. Instead of focusing solely on correcting his behavior, I made a point to acknowledge his positive contributions. If he completed a task on time or helped a classmate, I praised him in front of the class.
I also introduced a reward system for the entire class, where students earned points for demonstrating leadership, kindness, or effort. Ayo quickly became one of the top earners, and I could see how much it boosted his confidence.
At the same time, I maintained clear boundaries. When Ayo’s mischievous side resurfaced, I addressed it privately, reinforcing the expectations we had discussed. But now, instead of feeling defensive or singled out, he responded with understanding.
A month later, I received another message from Mr. Olumide. This time, the tone was completely different.
“I wanted to thank you, Ms. Adebayo,” it read. “Ayo has been coming home excited about school again, and I can see the positive changes in him. I appreciate how you’ve found a way to guide him without making him feel criticized. Thank you for listening.”
Reading that message was a reminder of why I love teaching. The balance between discipline and encouragement is never easy, but when done thoughtfully, it can transform not just a student’s experience but also their parent’s perception of your role.
Lessons Learned
Listen to Parents’ Concerns: Parents see a side of their children that teachers don’t. Listening to their perspective can provide valuable insights into how to support the student.
Balance Discipline with Encouragement: Students thrive when they feel both supported and challenged. Positive reinforcement can be just as powerful as setting clear boundaries.
Involve Parents in the Process: Collaboration with parents creates a stronger support system for the student. Open communication fosters trust and mutual respect.
Stay Flexible: Teaching isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Adjusting your methods based on individual needs shows that you’re committed to the success of every child.
That experience taught me that being “too strict” isn’t always about what you’re doing—it’s about how it’s perceived.
Teaching is about more than academics; it’s about understanding the whole child and working with their support system to help them succeed.
- Ms. Adebayo